My apartment looks like an apocalyptic h*t hole right now. I promise to try be cleaner, but I can’t promise, and as I’m writing this, I’m looking at my apartment, thinking, I’m embarrassing myself. I just dropped a grape on the floor and and said, “eh, fuck it”.

I promise to let myself be. You know, I was thinking, how often do we really let ourselves be, especially on the sh*tty days, because some days are just sh*t, and theres nothing you can do besides let it be sh*t. I’m saying sh*t a lot today… I promise to try my best to not be hard on myself, considering, I made a promise to do what is “best for myself and everyone else in the galaxy.”

Instead of cleaning it, I’m writing, and drinking at a bar just to avoid it. I’ve lived in Chicago for three years now, and I still have a New York State license. I’m thinking, maybe if I say this out loud in front of all of you, it will help. I promise to accept that I may never change.

I promise to trust that beauty is far deeper than what meets the physical eye. My friend and I had a conversation about what it would be like if we all looked the same, like soul-blobs… to be seen, really seen for who we are, and if anyone would still be together…

I promise to give gratitude the time it deserves. I promise to appreciate the practice of gratitude, in the times of lack, fear, doubt, drought — one study found that it actually affected neuron density in both the ventromedial and lateral prefrontal cortex, and I promise I don’t really know what that means, but I know it’s some good sh*t 🙂

I promise to collect moments of awe, like when the sun finally pokes out through the clouds at 5:17pm, after a full day of Chicago grey, and it slows you down in the best way. Sometimes I think, that’s “God’s light,” whatever that means, but I don’t how to say what that is, or how good it feels to be caught up in a patch of natural sunlight in between the shadows.

I promise to continue to hug trees in public, they may think I’m a freak, but you know what, they’d be right, I am. Super freak, owww.  It’s a great source of oxytocin, scientifically proven to lower stress and anxiety, so I think I’ll make a promise to Earth, and keep speaking of the deeper health properties it offers to us freely, I promise.

I promise to give myself more time to write these, but I don’t even trust myself, so I cant make that promise, but if I cant stop being this way, I promise to let myself be.

I’m just glad I didn’t get high before this like last time. I was here last month, and I only had an hour or so to write after work, but felt anxious about the time crunch so I took a hit of my weed pen. I wrote way too much, so I had to figure out which parts of it made sense high, which was challenging.

I’d say it went fine until I started talking about the michochondria, “midi-chlorians,” a microscopic life form that resides within all living cells, and the and the symbiotic circle that we form with the “Naboo”, they live inside everyone, and we are symbionts with them.”

Ok, so, yeah — I promise to not be an asshole to any sentient being, and stay grounded in non-judgemental observation, because what happens to one will affect the other.

All in favor say — I !

My friend Allie told me that she prefers me not high, “Rachel, when you’re high, no one can reach you, and it’s cool that you’re into all that spiritual stuff, but you wont shut the fuck up about it, and half the time you don’t even make sense.

She’s right… she’s right, but as for “no one can reach me,” I’m pretty sure that the point.

haha, the trees can reach me…

On a positive note, the weed makes me dance, without fail. I must have hundreds of these high “dance” videos. I promise I’ll do something with it, because, you know, this could be the type of content that helps people feel better about themselves.

My denist asked me to promise that I floss every day, and I told her, “No.” I’m not making promises I cant keep, and no, I don’t want the mouth guard, stop trying to sell me the mouth guard. I said no 500 times.

I promise to not let them take the child-like sense of wonder from my soul, because they will try, but we will not let them. All in favor say I !!

I promise to not tell anyone that I sleep with my blankey, but I also promise to not care what other people think, at least not more than what I think of me, so i’m breaking that promise to speak about a deeper promise I made to blankey when I was a kid. I promise to never let you go, no matter what, even if some cool guy wants to sleep over and be my boyfriend, I’ll never put you in the closet.

Who was there when I was seven and I tried to kill myself with mouthwash because the walls kept screaming, “I wish I never married you!!” — Blankey. haha, through and through, blankey’s been there. Blankey’s a package deal.

I promise to appreciate the presence of the present moment, I promise.

I promise to speak from my soul, promise.

I promise to always consider what is best for me, and “everyone else in the galaxy”

I promise.